What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 05:58
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
So, i spoilt her more .
When was the first time your wife had beastiality?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
She loved him until the end.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
When she asked me how she looked .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
My family never makes their pension either.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
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Where the ultimate outsiders.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
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Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Can you show your wet and dripping pussy?
Who then, do I blame.?
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
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Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
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I write beautiful poetry .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I will be 64.
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I waited trembling.
She was in good health!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Why do some people dislike Gilmore girls?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
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But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
One cannot live in the past .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I have no regrets .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
We all went to grammer schools
It was going to be , some day.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
What did i know ?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Comes on , in middle age.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But ive been too sick for many years..
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Was to survive, this bastard.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I was 9 years of age.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I was very sick at this time too.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I couldn’t, believe it.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
And i lived it daily.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I was scared of men, in general
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Would this be the day?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
We were not on the streets..
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
But it wasn’t much.
My life is so biszare .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I was seconnd youngest,
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I think the readers, may guess!
I never cut or harmed myself..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
She married twice! .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I could never make a relationship work though!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
But, we were locked up after school.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
All the time i was locked up.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
This is soul school!.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Especially a lifetime of it.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He resisted the act ,that day.
I don,t even have a pension.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
As i do to all so called friends.?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She found it foreign!.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
So whats the point in blame.
Im still living with it.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Why did i forgive my father ?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I said to her
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Put me off passion for life!!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Ive learnt so much.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He knew the spot.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
She wouldn,t have been !
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..